How do you say “sorry”? It matters. A lot.
I was reading a recent article about how an executive of a major sports franchise had been accused of saying inappropriate things towards some reporters. Not long afterwards, there was a statement released with a “sorry if” response from this executive. The point of this post is not about this specific scenario; it’s about a much broader issue in the workplace and at home.
We can lack emotional and self-awareness when dealing with others.
It is incredibly important when interacting with others to work to improve your self-awareness. You will earn a great deal of respect from the people around you.
How often do you ask yourself how your words or actions may impact another?
“Sorry”
How often do you say “sorry”?
How often do you hear someone say “sorry” to you?
How often do you hear “sorry if“ I did this or that? Think back to the last time you heard this. How did it land for you? Did the “if” miss the mark? Maybe even trigger some defensiveness?
Now imagine that same person giving an apology that stated “sorry that” I did this to you.
Do you see the difference? “Sorry if” lacks sincerity. It lacks full ownership of the actions that impacted another. There is a caveat or a scapegoat built into it. This is someone who may not have reflected on what it is that they did and how it impacted you.
Alternatively, “sorry that I did this, and it hurt you” is a powerful way of taking ownership of your actions. It lets the person know that you respect them, that you self-awareness to note that apologizing is the appropriate step in taking responsibility for the impact that your actions caused.
Developing self-awareness is an essential part of leadership in the workplace and at home. Building a relationship of trust is vital to growing a business. Saying “sorry” isn’t necessarily enough. It’s how you say it and whether you are taking responsibility for your actions that impacted another. There is no doubt that it can be uncomfortable to offer this apology. This is what vulnerability is – people will see this in you and respect you. Sitting in this discomfort is good; it will help alleviate the discomfort that the one impacted felt.